I’ve just realised something.
We’re all addicted to something or other. If you don’t believe me then try this: for one day, actually scratch that, for one HOUR try completely alternating from your usual routine of whatever it is you do, whether it’s walking the dog, watching t.v to wind down, going to the gym, playing a box whether it’s an x, playstation or on the computer for that matter or even reading or sitting on your computer/mobile or any electrical device at all and see how you fare. Tell me if you were able to accomplish it with ease. If you make it that far, then aim for a day, and if you make it then see how you do incorporating it into your lifestyle/routine and switching it up every now and then. Then tell me how long you’re able to last for. I have a feeling that for the majority it isn’t long. A lot us can’t do it. We’ve become so dependent that you’ll find even considering it for a moment seems horrifying.
You see without being conscious of it, we’re become petrified of our thoughts. Of being ‘alone with ourselves’. It dregs up our deepest fears. Desires. Feelings. And so we constantly keep ourselves preoccupied so that we don’t have to feel. Face them. Acknowledge what makes us human. So we distract ourselves. That’s what the distractions are; tools that eat away at our humanity. No wonder I’m always wondering what’s happening to the world. Animals, Adults, children, plants, earth alike. When we see an addict or drunk, little do we know that we’re just like them. We just ‘wear it better’. It doesn’t make us any better. Looking ‘put together’ doesn’t raise us any higher than those whose addictions have consumed them.
Our brains are natural computers. It’s because of them (And God) that computers exist. The same way a computer can overheat, overload or breakdown so do we. To help keep that from happening we distract ourselves from focusing on everything that’s going on in our minds. As we get older, the same way a computer had data inputted into it, so do our minds. Everything we learn and experience multiplies and increases and with it the emotions and feelings that come with it. It isn’t as though we have hard discs we could offload onto. No. So how do we cope? We ‘Block Out’. It’s how we maintain our sanity.
I find as I get older, things get harder yet we seem to somehow morph into these experts at acting as though everything’s perfect and we’re ‘holding together’ just fine. It’s an utter and complete sham. I’m unable to sleep at night due to my brain refusing to cease activity. It’s exhausting. Yet though I’m unable to do anything about it I simply endure it. And in a painful, twisted way I sort of like it. It’s like knowing that despite the exhaustion I feel internally, it inevitably leads to ‘burn out’ and I’ll finally ‘stop’ due to the inability to continue.
I find that as time passes, each breath, passing moment seems to either seem like an eternity or a second. When it’s the former I find myself simply living trying to tell myself that ‘it’s ok’, ‘I’m ok’ and ‘i’ll be ok’ as then all i’ll need to do is live every moment as I am irregardless of whether I’m dying on the inside or not. I just continue…
Yet when it’s the former I wish the moment wouldn’t end and it’s over before it seems to have even started. The older we get, we sort of become masters at masking how we feel. Hence why it’s all the more important to do something about it. We do whatever must be done without ever talking about whether it’s eating away at u internally or not. We need to start taking a stand for the sake of our health and sanitys’ sake. If we don’t, at the rate we’re going, we’ll end up losing a lot more than we bargain for. The 1st step towards doing that is acknowledging our addictions. Only then can we actually do something about them.
